11 Things To Prepare For If You’re Not A Morning Person

Oh that damn rooster, sitting pretty, perched up wiggling his wattle. That crowing at dawn signals the beginning of a beautiful morning for some, or a death knell for others, depending on your nocturnal genetic composition. Unfortunately the world lives in a different time zone, and we night owls must conform, those bills aren’t getting paid by whining. Here is a list of things we can do to prepare ourselves for the condemnation. Rise and shine, it’s time to cock-a-doodle-doo!

1)      Curtains: Waking up every morning is like being at the gates of Heaven (THE WHITE LIGHT) or that’s what it looks like when you have watched too many movies.  Basically the sunlight and your dilated pupils make you go oriental for a good 10 minutes till you figure out your bearings. Curtains play an important role in eye acclimatization. Dark colours and thin materials are the ideal combo. Just try it!

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2)      Snooze scam: Who ever invented the snooze button I’m sure had noble intentions, but the reality is totally different. It NEVER works, waking up requires some magnetic force to get you off the bed, that annoying monotone of an alarm is just a lullaby putting you back into epic slumber. Set a real alarm, a phone alarm and a human alarm (sibling, parent, house-help, pet) all for the same time, it has to be an ambush.

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3)      Tea/Coffee: Now that you’ve zombied out of bed, your brain is still not functioning with your limbs. You need that caffeinated concoction of steamy brew to alert yourself back to reality. It’s the only way to get out of the doldrums of doom. The right amount is imperative, figure out what your body needs in terms of quantity and potency, stick to this like any other rule of thumb and in half an hour you’ll be able to comprehend your existence.

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4)      Clothes: This might seem odd, but when you’re working with the equivalent of an original Pentium processor in your head for the first few moments of the day, figuring out what to wear and where to find it in your cupboard is as complicated as those 8th grade trigonometry problems (yep, still clueless). Decide the night before, keep them out or know where you will find them in the morning, FYI matching socks is a societal norm now.

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5)      Music: What’s your favourite song? PLAY IT! While getting ready, while in the shower, while doing ANYTHING, just hear something you like, it will set the mood for a half decent day. You’re about to hear horns honking, people screaming, bosses barking, Kenny G inspired elevator music, and a host of other unpleasant sounds. Sooth the ears before they go sore.

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6)      Food: You’ve heard this a million times, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and this is very true. Although your mouth feels like sandpaper and the sight of edibles makes you want to barf, try and put something in your stomach as soon as you feel your motor skills are adept to chew. Be it a banana, a handful of almonds, a granola bar, anything to give you some energy for the day ahead.

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7)      Sunglasses: Forget fashion functionality, this is purely for practical purposes. You need a sombre tint that gives you enough vision so that you aren’t involuntarily head butting a lamp post, at the same time it shades the unbelievable brightness of the morning. Added bonus, It’ll help calm the nerves.

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8)      Excuses: In spite of all our efforts time doesn’t really do us any favours, especially in the mornings. Now sometimes a white lie is the best way to get out of a sticky situation.  Blame the liftman, the cabbie, the roadblock caused by MNS workers, creativity is key but whatever excuse you use for being late, make sure it’s apologetic and sincere. Practice that sad puppy face, people lap it up all the time.

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9)      Appeasement articles: Carry little knick-knacks with you at all times, chocolates, sweets, chewing gum, aam papad and other peace offerings that will come in handy. Distribute it to everyone so that it doesn’t look fishy, but make sure it’s a routine activity. People are fickle after all.  Your superior shouldn’t forget how you satiated his sweet tooth craving with that Cadbury Dairymilk last week even though you’ve reached late on three consecutive days this week.

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10)   Tissues/Handkerchief: Morning sickness for us isn’t the same kind you’re thinking of. Incessant colds and a runny nose are part and parcel of the pre-noon pleasantries that our bodies give us. Depending on the day, lack of quality sleep had, and number of pegs consumed the night before will our resemblance uncannily relate to Rudolph the reindeer. Be prepared!

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11)   Morning people: The chirpy neighbhour, the overly excited co-worker, the bubbly friend, all these sadists who rub their morning joy in our face. We can’t be rude, we don’t want to be nice and the only other way to deal with them is to nod, smile and then ignore. Act busy, avoid eye contact and most importantly, keep your cool. They’ll appear a lot less daunting post lunch.

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