12 Things Our Friends Do That Drive Us Up The Wall
Call them odd quirks, weird habits or OCDs, we have tolerated these anomalies that our beloved friends insist on practising in spite of our repeated efforts to help them reform. Public embarrassment, hair pulling, and sighs of anguish are usually some of the repercussions that ensue. Here is a list of these infuriating things that we put up with only because our love for you is on par with your kookiness.
1) Colour Chaos: ‘It’s black, its white, its black, yeah ye-aah yeaah’ even Michael Jackson knew it, so do we, so do you but there is this insatiable quest to wear one particular colour for every single occasion. Alright, you haven’t seen a rainbow yet but it’s high time. Stop making your life look like a Charlie Chaplin movie.
2) Bowel Bane: Some people are obsessed with their colons, a clear tract or the hope of one will rule their day, life rotates around their bowel movements and leaving the house isn’t an option unless their flush has been worked enough. Answering calls, reading the newspaper, even conquering a Rubik’s cube are just some of the multi-tasking activities that have been honed in the bathroom. Let’s just say it’s the #TurdLife.
3) Bladder Burst: Since we’re on the excretory functions of the human body, how can we ignore the ignominious weak bladder? It’s the timing that actually gets our goat. JUST when you exit a sanitary dispatch option does the urge to urinate arise. When you’re in the car, in the middle of a movie, or at any inopportune time that you can think of, the call of nature bellows. Isn’t that convenient? NOT.
4) Hectic Hygiene: Lets blame Lifebouy advertising for this, they drilled it into our heads that we must wash up before meals and once we reach home but some people took this too far. If you’re going to rinse your hands every hour, wipe literally everything down before you sit on it, get the floor cleaned six times a day and do a myriad of other hygiene related activities, you can also explain to Africa why they have no water.
5) Lock Checker: Safety is a priority, and you should always double check your locks, just in case. Now if you don’t think you can handle the world, stay at home. Asking whether you’ve locked your car, the house door, other-situations-where-going-psycho-about-locking-something apply over and over again won’t change the fact that it’s locked or unlocked. Our reaffirmation isn’t fuel for you to become repetitive. STOP WORRYING ALREADY! If they steal your lunch bag we promise to buy you a new one.
6) Adjusting Superintendent: Ahh, the pseudo Vastu specialist! They enter any space, public or private and feel it’s their destiny to rearrange the placement of inanimate objects. Be it wall hangings, centrepieces, show-pieces, cutlery, crockery, electronic gadgets, lamps, pots and other items, they will involuntarily move them to appease their sanity, or their lack of should I say. Its OK, we still love you.
7) Pet Peeve: Animals are awesome, don’t get me wrong but there is a fine line between adorable and not acceptable. Treating your pet like it’s a human being is weird. Don’t go rat me out and get PETA to vandalize my property, it’s just a bit much when you’re sending pictures of them dressed like Santa Claus and talking about them like their your soul mates. Idioms like ‘it’s raining cats & dogs’ were invented as payback FYI.
8) Catch Phrase: It’s usually seasonal, though the words change the trend doesn’t. Any conversation, text message, or other sorts of communication will end with the dreaded catch phrase. ‘Because I’m the bomb’, ‘I’m just cool like that’, ‘I’m awesome, obviously’, ‘Suave is as suave does’. Paying compliments to yourself will not get our acknowledgement, just be happy we don’t retort with ‘You’re a retard! I’m casting you in Hangover 4’.
9) Fiend Forever: Sharing is caring but the fiend in question is always oblivious. We need to ask, and we’re ok with it, we know when you’ve had your quota..er hogged your quota, be it with the bag of chips, the box of pizza, the doob that’s being passed around which has encountered a massive traffic snarl under your supervision. It’s part of your DNA, we accept you for who you are, but your eternal subconscious possessiveness will be called out on forever.
10) Love Bug: A new day, a new interest.That’s the mantra of the Love Bug. They met somebody interesting and they are already planning out date nights, baby names and other crazy agendas. Cut to two weeks later and it’s someone new, and this will keep happening! Crazy bursts of planning, detailing, decoding, that we have to hear…sorry endure, only to have a do-over in usually less than a fortnight. Most of us are out here looking for ‘The One’, their worry should be, who ISN’T!
11) Singing Sinner: The reason why bathroom singing isn’t a punishable offence is because you’re doing it in the confines of you own house. Just because you know the lyrics of a song doesn’t mean you can sing. The occasional outburst is pardonable, but when you decide that you’re the hybrid reincarnation of Lata Mangeshkar and Asha Bhosle is where problems creep up. I haven’t insured my ears, and hence it would be wise to insure your face. Luckily for you, we’re buddies.
12) Mom-ing: It’s for the control freak in the group, you know who it is, always deciding on what should be done, always in-charge of plans, always responsible, always listening, always interfering, always giving their two bits, and ALWAYS being another MOM! We love this person the most, but saying it out aloud would be suicide.
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