14 Things That Happen During Holi
The festival of colour is upon us! With less than a week to go before you involuntarily look like a Na’vi warrior ( think Avatar) and douse your body with Parachute oil till you smell like you ate a coconut tree for lunch, we’ve got a round up of what you can expect to happen. Again. Obviously. Why change a winning formula right?
1. Decisions: Planning where the debauchery is going down. Either your building, your friends colony where you go every year, someone’s farm house, that new commercial party with Yo Yo Honey Singh, fake premium liquor and a Rs.3,000 hole in your wallet.
2. Purchases: Colours, pichkaris, water-guns and other paraphernalia need to be shopped for. Yes, buy a few extra packs of silver and make everyone look like a metallic disco ball.
3. More purchases: Poultry and vegetable sales increase and for some reason eggs and tomatoes have become part of the warfare.
4. Pre-game: You prepare for battle with a coconut oil rub down on your mother’s insistence. Safety first people!
5. Attire: Nobody wears white kurtas like in the movies. It’s always old, baggy and dark clothing, preferably with holes and/or stitches.
6. Targets: No one is safe. Your friends have probably targeted you if you haven’t been informed about any plans to target someone. That means lots of permanent colours on your face and probably an egg or two. I’d carry a side of toast in case it comes in handy.
7. Water balloons: Rubber balls of H20, basically trajectory missiles depending on your aim, force and distance of the throw. Water balloon tying skills can up your chances of victory threefold.
8. Beer: Your alcoholic uncle is always in charge, manning the ice box, distributing cold beers to everyone around. Just don’t leave him alone, he might just outdo his record from last year.
9. Bhang: This stuff gets you hysterical, takes about an hour to kick in, lasts for about 4, and leaves you with a lifetime of memories. Wait, what’s bhang?
10. Rain dance: Usually only the privilege of your fancy complex Holi parties, but sometimes a makeshift hose can create a similar ambience. That moment when your song plays and you nail those 15 seconds – Epic.
11. Casualties: Usually watchmen, liftmen, cabbies and other passers-by get coloured. They take it with a smile on their face so it’s fine, but those alien stray dogs? Yea, stop colouring poor pooches green and pink.
12. Food: After too much dancing, drinking and being crazy, you get the shivers from being wet and cold for too long. This is the time you know you need to eat. Bring on the jalebi! Yessir.
13.Showering: Once the food settles, you head home and hit the showers. It’s a rainbow waterfall for the next 45 mins.
14. Remnants: The next few days look like you’ve been doing drag queen shows by night, with your nails purple and your cheeks pink.
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