Agony Bro: 16 Things Guys LOVE To Hear You Say

Sometimes the most innocuous things you say have a greater meaning to us.  You’d be surprised to know that even these routine things pull a trigger in our heads. Here is our interpretation to some of your harmless questions or statements. Take notes now if you must as this kind of espionage might lead to the guillotine for your beloved Agony Bro (yes, often he likes to speak in third person).

1) “I like your shirt”
Even if it’s office wear, just say it. We’re probably smiling on the inside.


2) “Stop being mean!”
So feminine, so girly, so YOU. Just don’t overkill it.


3)      “I like your friends a lot”
Perfect! If you didn’t and said you didn’t, either you’ve got us henpecked or it’s curtains.


4) “I’m hungry! Let’s go eat.”
Shove more than three fries in your mouth at a time and this could get serious.


5) “Do you wanna dance?”
Even if we have two left feet the fact that you’re ready for the embarrassment is pretty epic.


6) “What’s the score?”
A tiny inclination towards sports massively increases our inclination towards you.


7) “Where are we watching the match?”
How big a ring do you want?


8) “I like that beard thing you got going on there.”
Shaving sucks, I’m sure you’ll know about it all too well. So let us revel in this double standard because you get free drinks at the bar!


9) “I’ve reached! Where are you?”
Not where you are, but definitely thinking about how punctual you’ve been for us.


10) “Let’s have a shot!”
A lot of us like a little party girl spirit. It’s at least better than the I-don’t-do-shots girl.


11) “Should I roll one?”
All the potheads perpetually dream…err…daydream about this girl. Backflips can get us doing backflips in our brain.


12) “Who’s she?”
Your curiosity in us talking to another girl does sadistically feel really nice.


13) “How was your day?”
Awesome! We really needed to whine about how our boss is the devil’s creation.


14) “You’re so funny.”
We already knew that. And for us broke writers it’s all we got!


15) “…kiss me!”
It’s so much better than you just leaning in. Look into our eyes, flash your cutest smile and let us do the rest.


16) “Do you want a massage?”
As I’ve said…or would like to hear you say. Maybe on our birthday? Please!?


Need some advice from the Agony Bro? Write in your love, life, and other queries at . We’ll try and feature your story next. Don’t worry, it’ll be anonymous.

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