Agony Bro – Ladies First
Dear Agony Bro,
I have been seeing a guy who is two years younger than me. He is affectionate and caring when he wishes and then disappears into thin air for a couple of days. I feel he doesn’t give me his first priority. Due to this, I suggested we just stay friends (since we were just friends before we started dating and we have a large group) But he hasn’t spoken to me since and did not bother to pursue me either. Was he faking it the whole time? Did I just get fooled?
Ok, I’m not going to beat around the bush. This one is a self inflicted wound, if YOU issued the break-up notice and then you’re wondering if he was fooling you all along? I’m pretty he wasn’t. It’s like shoo-ing away the pigeons on your window sill and then expecting them to return with a rose wedged between their beaks to appease you for shoo-ing them away in the first place! Not the most logical outcome.
I’m not going to lie, I did have a slight chuckle and I’m sure you will too when you look back at this later down the road. So he’s probably hurt – some boys are sensitive and if you punch a hole in our ego, you’re going to have a very bleak future with us. Another factor is that he’s younger than you and things like this would affect him a lot more. FYI, he was being sporadic probably because he was unsure. By the looks of it you were expecting him to do all the initiating and that just tilts the equilibrium, which leads to misunderstandings, which lead to fall outs.
Now you wanting him to pursue you after you’ve dented his manshield? Doubtful. So here are the solutions:
a) If you want him back as a friend: You’re going to have to make the first move, call him, text him, send him a juicy burger with extra cheese and a large side of fries (I haven’t eaten lunch yet, that’s what I want actually but I’m sure he’d like it too). Have a talk; explain to him why things weren’t working out even though you said he’s affectionate and caring. Tell him how his sporadic love show wasn’t doing the trick. If he truly is as affectionate and caring as you thought he was, maybe he’d find a way to forgive you for blowing him off and be okay with you two going back to being friends. Don’t expect a turnaround overnight, the wound is still fresh so wait for the scab to form till things are cool.
b) You want him back, back: Read point (a) and add the fact that you want to give things another shot. I know it sucks, but you’re going to be the one doing the initiating!
Hope this gave you some clarity, have fun and always keep it legal.
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