Agony Bro: Potential Abuse or Imaginative Anger

AB-DV

Dear Agony Bro,

I have been dating this guy for almost two years, and now it’s long distance. He says he loves me and thinks he could see a future with me. The problem is that he seems to be controlling me or telling me things to a point that is offensive. He has an opinion for everything, from the way I dress to how I am professionally. Not only that, he has a bad temper and tends to say things.

I often feel that the words he uses are very abusive and derogatory. In fact, sometimes things get so out of hand that I fear if I was in front of him he would yell at me in front of other people or worse, raise his hand. It feels like verbal and emotional abuse, but I may be taking it too seriously. Should I leave before it gets worse or am I just being paranoid?

Sincerely,

Timidly Bewildered

Dear T.B,

I’ve got to hand it to you for writing in. Often fear can dismantle you completely. It has this power of paralysis which can consume you up and leave this massive void. Usually you’d label these predicaments as the girl being over sensitive. But when you’re in fear that he might get violent is when I spot a red flag.

Guys can say a lot of things, a majority of the time they might not even mean it. Heck, I’ve said quite a few obnoxious things myself but those are either as a joke or in the heat of the moment. We’re all human. Opinionated and outright derogatory are lines which you have to decipher. And if you feel like he’s running you down, you need to stand up for yourself. Here is your self-introspective question, do you want to see a future with someone who is making you feel fearful instead of happy?

Common sense says you chose the latter, I have faith in you. Now here is what you need to do. Confront the situation and then communicate. You’ve already put in a few years and I’m going to give him the benefit of doubt when he says he loves you, which is probable. Though he clearly has some inner demons of his own to sort out. If he doesn’t, all his anger and frustration will be projected on you. Tell him that he’s making you feel scared and that you don’t like how he demeans you all the time. If he needs help, help him. If he’s too stubborn, it’s best you leave a potentially abusive situation.

Thick skin or self defence skills, you will need either or both if my faith doesn’t fructify. Good luck!

Arrivederci,

A.B

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