Agony Bro: 15 Things Girls Do That Annoy Guys

Last week I gave you some insight into what you were doing right. This week it’s the opposite. It might sound a bit harsh, but the tone is exactly what we’re thinking and/or telling our friends. Be it a platonic relationship, a serious one, or a newly acquainted one, if you’re prone to any of these things you are probably annoying us.

1) Whining: The best recipe to deep fry our brain nice and crispy. If it’s too hot, too cold, too bright, too dark, too spicy, too sweet, too whatever-else-you-have-an-issue-with, we’re sorry but it can’t be fixed. Find yourself a genie.


2) Eating our food: If you say you aren’t hungry then why did you vaporize half my meal. Just order extra next time. Thank you!


3) Getting your lipstick/lip-gloss on our glass: Body Shop Wild Cherry Lip Butter mixed with whiskey Coke is not what I ordered. Find a straw or wait for the last sip.


4) Public breakdown: It’s okay to get emotional, but do we really need an audience? They aren’t even paying for the show.


5) Intrusiveness: If we knew what that friend of a friend of a friend of a friend was doing with your friends’ friend last Saturday we’d tell you, but we don’t. Can we just drop it now?


6) Playing Nicki Minaj: We rather hear you whine, it’s at least coherent.


7) Flaking: If you are going to bail on plans, give us a heads up. We aren’t psychic.


8) Not listening: If you hear the phrase ”…BUT I TOLD YOU…” means you did something in spite of us already warning you. It was said in your best interest, just listen sometimes. Small mercies, please?


9) Trivializing sports: If our team just lost a match, do not come near us unless you have something nice to say.


10) Tagging along on boys night: You are supremely chilled out, my friends think you’re awesome but you ARE NOT a boy. Occasionally you’re welcome. Every time? No.


11) Ruining the ratio: If we are throwing a house party, don’t bring 6 dudes who we’ve never met before. If we wanted a sausage fest, we’d go for Sunburn.


12) Throwing up: That 8th shot of tequila wasn’t necessary.


13) Using our clothes as hand towels and face wipes: Thanks for smudging ketchup on my sleeve, such an artistic touch.


14) The KLPD queen: You know who you are! Save electricity. Don’t turn us on.


15) Impatience: Pinging, triple texting, 6 missed calls. What’s the hurry! Where is the fire?


Need some advice from the Agony Bro? Write in your love, life, and other queries at . We’ll try and feature your story next, don’t worry it’ll be anonymous.

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