8 Reasons Why I Don’t Do Commercial New Year’s Eve Parties

Are you headed to the BEST New Year party of the year? You know the one with a clichéd theme, premium liquor (of course!), exotic belly dancers, and all that jazz. Have you RSVP-ed, bought your passes yet and decided what to wear? Must thank your stars if you haven’t, because we are about to break the truth to you as you know it, and you will never want to attend one of those regretful nights again. Here are 8 reasons why I don’t do commercial New Year ’s Eve parties, and why you shouldn’t either.

1. Because if I wanted to watch 16-year-olds barfing out what looks like a concoction of red bull and vodka combined with bodily fluids and Mc Donalds, I would’ve rather watched re-runs of 90210 followed by The Valleys at home. At least that would save me from the urge of slapping one of the drunken teens. And no, I’m not 40, just sane.

2. Because no, I don’t want to be elbowed at every step I take towards the bar, by which time I have dark bruises all over and not the strongest of their ‘so called premium liquor’ can numb the pain.

3. Because I like to let my hair down and dance a little when I’m out to party, but how can I accomplish such a ‘tough’ task when every muscle I move (or can’t move) is met with another human’s body. Yes, you know there is never enough space to dance at these parties. Admit it. Is it a crime to have some fun and have enough space to do so? The guys who organized this commercial party are clearly possessive freaks who don’t believe in giving any space.

4. Because I don’t like it when people don’t stick to their words. I was told that the party will accommodate only 400 people, but they probably forgot to add another zero. How come I see the whole city’s population and others at the same venue as I? The party is more crowded than a Mumbai local train. Why? Just, why?

5. If trying ‘desi daaru’ was on your bucket list, you can tick that one off. Because that’s how they define premium liquor.

6. Because you promised me 15 types of sea-food and chicken starters, 8 veg starters and umpteen dessert options, but I don’t even see leftovers by the time I reach the party. Again, why?

7. Because it gives Coldplay’s song ‘When you get what you want, but not what you need…’ a bad name. And I don’t approve of that.

8. Because gurrrl, do you need any more reasons to ignore an invite from Mr. Cool Party Organiser?

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