17 Signs You’re In The Arranged Marriage Market
Uh oh! Have we approached a topic that’s going to hit a nerve? Are you single and NOT looking to get married? I hear you sister, but those 2500 aunties don’t. So just sit back, relax and laugh at the absurdity of it all while you can. Because whether you like it or not, these are the sure shot signs that you are now officially in the Arranged Marriage Market:
1. Your mom is suddenly concerned that you don’t know how to cook. Apparently maggi and chai don’t count.
2. You normally had to convince your parents for more money to shop, but now they are more than happy to splurge on your Indian wear. [Enjoy this one while it lasts.]
3. Your aunt thinks you should get laser eye surgery, your mom agrees. While they are at it, they would like you to do something about your acne. It would also be great if you could lose some weight. That will apparently really up your ‘chances’.
4. You are now being introduced to aunties and uncles that claim to be best friends with your parents since forever. Funny you don’t recognize them at all.
5. Your family mysteriously has lots of parties, weddings and religious ceremonies to attend where it’s absolutely imperative that you come.
6. When you walk into a party:
Thirty aunties turn to stare.
About 25 of them approach your parents to make small talk.
About 20 of them approach you and ask the ever pertinent question: Beta Pehchana?
About 15 ask you what you do. (Your career choice better be really easy to explain.)
If you go to the bar, at least 3 of them faint.
7. Your father is suddenly very mindful of what time you come home at night. (Log kya sochenge?)
8. Your parents want to know if you have added their friend’s son on Facebook. If you haven’t yet, they urge you to do so.
9. Your previously technologically challenged parents now know what Skype is and expect you to use it. Some of the really good guys are abroad after all. They also have you signed up on Shaadi.com and even effectively manage your profile. Miracles never cease.
10. You were raised to study and excel in every field but suddenly your folks think you are working too hard and need to spend more time at home.
11. Your landline (only parents use the landline) has been ringing a lot more off late.
12. The neighbourhood aunty comes over so much more often for gossip.
13. Your Facebook privacy settings have become more stringent than ever before.
14. All your guy friends are now viewed as potential suitors for you by the whole world. (Eww, gross right?)
15. Your behavior is on constant watch.
16. You have the answer to ‘What are your hobbies?’ down pat.
17. You want to kill the next person who makes an ‘It’s your turn next’ joke.
And to sum it all up, if you are pretty much at your wit’s end. And you haven’t felt more rebellious, perplexed and weirdly tame at the same time before…you girl, are definitely in the arranged marriage market.
But the eternal believers in love that we are, we say you enjoy this ride as much as any other. You never know if cupid is the next annoying aunty in disguise.
For those who absolutely loathe the idea of being in the ‘market’ and want to kill us for ending on this saccharine note: Just. Keep. Breathing.