The Ten Most Annoying People on Mumbai Local Trains

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You hate ‘em, but you can’t avoid ‘em. And you most definitely cannot deny their existence. These are the most annoying people on Mumbai Local Trains, who continue to test your patience with their everyday shenanigans. Someone’s got to point out the stereotypes and get the word out in the open, right? Let us name them for you, and hopefully they will read it someday and make this city a better place to live in and the Mumbai local trains a pleasant means to commute (yeah right!). If only owning a gun in this city was legal?

The Sleepy Bobble Head

You find them at every alternate seat, the sleepy bobble heads. While they dream away to glory, you bear the weight of their huge head on your shoulder. Maybe I will give you a shoulder to cry on if I know you, but it is not for you to sleep on. And it is definitely not a playground for your bobbling ballhead to bounce on. Why don’t I also get you some pillows and blanket to cozy up? WAKE UP MORON!

The Future Planner

Hey you, the one who has to get off 20 stations from the current one. Maybe your future looks brighter than your computer screen, but can you NOT block the exit/entrance of the train till your station arrives?

The Sweaty Armpit Man

That disgusting moment when someone shoves his or her sweaty armpits right up your face and you almost faint. Dear sweaty armpit man, you do not have a garden of fragrant roses under that arm, so how about not killing us with that stench and let us breathe a little?

The Loudest Lady on Planet Earth

Dear Mumbai Local Trains, I can’t live with or without you. Yours truly, A Mumbai Local. But Dear lady-who-can’t-keep-her-voice-down, kindly take your mouth and drop it off at shutit.com! Your high-pitched tone will probably work at Indian Idol auditions, not in a Mumbai local.

The Silent Action-Eye-Talker

“Bhaisaab, tch tch.” That’s not a typo. That’s the man/woman who will constantly ask you to move a little further or shift on your seat with weird hand gestures and eye actions making you wish you could just strangle that silent devil. Trust us, if there was place, we would move. But there isn’t, so kindly immobilise those hands and eyes till you get off.

The Kitty Party Ladies

Ladies, did you by any chance get a message that your next kitty party venue is the Mumbai local train? Because it sure looks like you’re having a ball gossiping the world out, sharing breakfast and laughing like hyenas. It’s only 8 am, please SHUTUP?

The Human Haters

Guns should NOT be legal for these people. And you dare not touch them even by mistake. It might just be the last time you will move a limb. All you can do is feel bad for the human haters, the always-frustrated souls that travel the Mumbai local trains. They should come with a warning, because if you sit to argue with them, you might just become one of them. Beware!

The Hungry Monsters

Imagine this: A box of day-old eggy sandwiches or gravied chicken opens up in a confined space filled with (hungry or not) people twice the amount the compartment can accomodate. Are we not going to want to barf or make faces with this not-so-aromatic smell doing the rounds? How about eating before or after you get on, or is that just too much to ask for?

The Ignorant Throwers

Gutka eaters, who spit from the grills of trains and people who throw food wrappers in and outside the train – only death penalty can help such cases.

Goldilocks Get Lost

So you’ve got long, lustrous hair and could be Goldilocks’ sister. But do you really need to prove it by leaving your hair undone and brushing the dust off others’ shoulders? Tying it BEFORE getting on the train might help keep the hair strands where they’re supposed to be – on your head!

- Sneha Mankani

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